This is a continuation of thoughts from my blog post yesterday.

 Again, this morning I was reading the book of Isaiah.  The words that come to me over and over again is God's greatness and vastness and I am humbled.  I find it difficult to put into words exactly what I am feeling as I re-read this book in the Bible.
 
Yesterday, I tried to explain how this new found humility has revealed how much I try to defend God and explain things that I really have no business explaining.  I'm not trying to beat myself up here, really.  There is such a sense of awesomeness that is so new for me right now towards God.  It's a very, very new place and yet, I have no fear.  I have complete peace.
 
Growing up with an image of God that He is this gigantic man with an iron fist waiting for me to mess up and pay a million times over for my mistakes made it very difficult for me to really trust Him.  I have realized that I only obeyed Him out of fear (as in being really, really scared of Him) and obligation, not really love.  Going through the process of healing from my past wounds has lead me to a place where I understand His unconditional love for me like I have never known.  This has been the foundation of trusting Him like I have never been able to before.  And now, I'm seeing more of who He is and I am in reverent awe!  I see that I can trust Him even more...even more?  That sounds so crazy to me but it's so true.  It's so freeing!!!  Even as I write this I feel more and more freedom and trust.  It's just crazy!!  But I love it!  I love this new understanding and confidence I have in my relationship with Him.  It's so very real!
 
There was a time, not too long ago, that I told God, "I want to learn how to trust you but I need to ask you not to hurt me.".  That may sound very silly or even crazy to some of you and to some, you know exactly what I'm talking about.  Let me tell you, God did not run in the other direction.  Infact, He came closer to me; gently and quietly.  He patiently walked beside me as I learned to open up and give Him more and more of me.
 
Now, I am experiencing this relationship with Him that is so very difficult to put into words sometimes.  I feel we're just scratching the surface, God and I.  There's much, much more.  I'm seeing answers to my prayers like I have not seen in a very long time.  I'll maybe write more on that later.  For now, I just want to be an encourager to those of you who have given up on God.  You have been told by many people that God loves you only to experience hurt, betrayal, and rejection by those same people.  I'm praying for you!  I'm praying that God will put people in your life who will be brave enough to love you unconditionally as He does.  However, keep in mind no one on this earth can love you like God does.  Allow for human error, not abuse but mistakes.  Once you begin to let people, safe and trusting people, back into your life you will begin to experience God in whole new way.  I know, cause I have and it's absolutely amazing!