The question I pose as the title of this post has been something on my mind a lot lately.  Over the past couple of months I have felt to increase my involvement with abuse awareness.  The first step for me has been to talk about it as openly as I possibly can.  This step requires an abundance of courage, grace, and sensitivity.  It requires me to battle against the shame that can still overwhelm me at times because I am a survivor of abuse.

 It requires me to question my motives; "Am I bringing up the topic to gain sympathy?", "Am I talking about it to somehow convince others that I am smart?", "Am I, in any way, trying to gain attention or is there a greater purpose?".  There are several more questions that I have asked myself after re-evaluating conversations I have had over the last several weeks.  As I am introspective I begin to see areas where I need to change as to improve communicating this issue.
 
I believe, because I am a survivor, I am very, very passionate about adults being aware that abuse happens all around us as well as I want children to be instructed and guided at an appropriate level as to how to speak up and avoid becomming victims.  Because of this passion, I feel I can come across intense and lacking empathy.  I find that after I have shared what I believe is a fact about abuse, I can tend to need someone to agree with me as to validate me.  That's the shame part I was talking about earlier.  Even talking about statistics and definitions of abuse can make me feel vulnerable and shameful. If someone disagrees with a definition of a certain type of abuse, that can feel shameful to me.  It can feel like they are minimizing my pain.  I begin to doubt if I shouldn't just go about my business and let someone else worry about abuse awareness.  Maybe it would be better left to someone who isn't a survivor and would be looked at with more respect because they are not a survivor.  I wonder if people think, "All she wants to do is talk about abuse.  Get over it already."
 
Yep, that's pretty much what I have been struggling with as I look at what the next step is for me.  Just as I'm ready to take a backseat, I read in the news another story of a child being victimized; other stories of abuse vicitims coming forward to find justice for those who have perpetrated against them.  I read about Penn State.  This ignites the fire and passion in me once again and I find the courage to press through the shame and walk forward in the healing that God has brought me through.  I remind myself that I am no longer a victim and it's time to speak loud and clear about this issue that some still want to keep as dark secrets. I think about how much pain I was in and want to do all I can to help not one more child experience that same pain.  Most of all, I think about how God does not see shame when He looks at me.  He reminds me that I have nothing to be ashamed of, none of it was my fault.
 
So, does my opinion matter?  I think so.  I think I just need to remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  Not agreeing with me does not mean that they are correct and I am wrong.  It just means we view it differently.  That's all.  I don't need them to agree with me to feel validated in what I feel God wants me to do.  It's not up to them in any way to dictate or determine what my next step is.  It's only up to God and so far, He has taken me on quite an adventure so I think I'll keep following His lead and His lead only.