Real Grace

It’s been a while since I’ve written and I have to say it’s because I’ve not been liking how I’ve been feeling emotionally so I’m afraid what might come out if I write.  Silly, I know.  I act as if my emotions control me.  Sometimes, it definitely feels that way.  Feeling as much as I do is still new to me and can overwhelm me, almost bury me.  I’ve been reading different scriptures which certainly helps but I have to say, to some degree, I’ve been hiding.  I haven’t really shared with anyone how I’m feeling.  That’s not good for me.  That leads me down a dark path…a path of self condemnation and depression.

I’ve decided I’m going to attempt to talk with my husband tonight.  I’m very nervous.  I’ve written out some things to try and label how I’m feeling and I don’t think he’s going to like what I’ve written.  So much of it, to me anyway, seems so selfish.  I keep asking myself why it seems I can’t focus on the positive.  I’m not sure that is really the issue but I’m open to explore it.  It’s so hard for me to understand guys and how they operate in relationships.  It seems to me they operate so very different from us women yet somehow it’s suppose to work?  I don’t know that I really understand it.

I just know that I don’t want to feel this way anymore.  I don’t feel happy or joyful and I feel like I’m wasting time.  Well, there’s definitely one thing this post has helped me with…motivation to take action.  Do whatever I need to do to bring back the joy.  I know, with God’s help, I can do it!

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