Apr 07 2009
A Wall of Fear.
I’ve decided to write today about how I’ve been thinking about my parents often. I miss them. I’m feeling weary waiting, hoping for the day when I can interact with them and not feel like the little girl I once was. I feel like I need to grow up. Maybe that is what this phase of counseling is about. Helping me to “grow up”. I don’t mean that in the sense that I need to “get over it”. There are certain areas where I am stuck. I see some responses to things in my life today like I am still that scared, little girl.
I know the Bible has several verses about how God has made available to us the power to conquer fear. I guess I need to recognize and acknowledge the fear before I can conquer it. It feels very strange to be looking at and connecting to this fear as an adult. It feels almost foolish. However, I see the power it has had over me all these years and I want to be free from it! So, I press on through the feelings, through the emotions that would otherwise stop me and hold me back. This is a choice I can make today as an adult. I am not that little girl anymore.
4 Responses to “A Wall of Fear.”
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I completely identify with that feeling of wondering why I’m trampling again through things that happened as a child when I’m now an adult. What I have learned is that if I don’t deal with it, no matter how painful, it will stay with me forever. That means ruined relationships with other people, with God and with myself. I applaud and support you as you go further in through counseling. It just shows that you are ready to tackle these things more, at a deeper level. Everything comes in layers, otherwise it might be too overwhelming.
Thank you for your encouragement Sunny! It is layers. I tell myself that all the time. It’s good to hear it validated from you.
I agree with Sunny. If we do not deal with each layer, it just hangs around. I have also heard it described as a spiral staircase. We keep coming around to the same old thing but on a different level, in a different way. So we feel like we haven’t grown any, but we have. We just need to be reminded sometimes. Blessings.
Thank you for your response Colleenmea! I like your analogy of the spiral staircase. That is exactly what it feels like to me right now. Thank you for reminding me that it is part of the healing process and our growth.