Real Grace

Quite often, lately, I have been feeling like I have made no progress on this road of healing.  I have found myself having a conversation with myself about how well I am doing and that I am not the same person I was 5, 10, 20 years ago.  I think it’s hard for me to see the progress because I have reached a point where I’m needing counseling again to work through more pain.  I’m very glad I decided to seek out a counselor but somehow I keep thinking that because I’ve had to do that, I am no longer growing.  How silly is that?!?

I guess this may be part of the whole learning to parent myself thing.  It’s very difficult to tell myself the same things I would tell my children when they are having a hard time dealing with their feelings.  It’s so much easier to guide them through it vs guiding myself.

I also find this is something that attacks my self confidence.  I feel that if I’m not growing than I’m not as mature as other adults my age and therefore most likely sound less intelligent when I’m around them.  Oh the pain I put myself through when I judge myself so harshly.

All of what I just shared is most of what I have been thinking about today.  Now that I am at the end of today, I think I will try to look at myself with much more kindness tomorrow.

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