Real Grace

For the last few months it has been difficult to take a deep breath and feel like my lungs are really filling with air.  Rather, it has felt like someone is sitting on my chest and pushing the air out no matter how hard I try to fill them.

I began counseling again a couple of weeks ago.  It was one of the best decisions I have made.  The difficulty breathing I just described, along with some other symptoms, told me it was time to do more work.  While the “work” has been difficult, it has been amazingly rewarding.  Not only have I have been talking with my counselor but also with my support system (friends and some family members), which, I am happy to say, has expanded to include more family members. :)  Yes, restoration is happening!

I’m simply amazed at how faithful God is even when I can’t feel Him.  He has used this time in my life to allow a specific and very powerful fear that had an incredible hold on me and was literally sucking the life out of me to surface and be dealt with.  The fear I am speaking of is the fear of being molested and of my children being molested.  I didn’t realize I still had a fear of it happening to myself but I have recognized for a while the fear I’ve had of it happening to my children.  This fear brought on horrible nightmares and anxiety.

Through talking with some key people I can, with great confidence, tell you that today that fear is at a minimum.  It no longer has a grip nor is it sucking the life out of me. These past couple of days I have been able to take in a deep breath and feel refreshed but more importantly I have been able to relax and really enjoy my children like I have never been able to before.

I believe this has all come about because God has used these key people in my life.  He’s so faithful that way.  I don’t fully understand His ways but when He gives me a glimpse of them, “WOW!”, is all I can say.  I am so very thankful to be in this new place and am very exited about the future!

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