Real Grace

This was the topic of our group meeting Tuesday night.  There is so much to this lesson that I won’t possibly be able to share it all but I will try to highlight.

First of all, the differences between physical and emotional abandonment were discussed.  The differences are similar to the differences between physical and emotional abuse.   The physical is easier to detect then the emotional but the damage on a persons heart is the same.

Another point brought out was the fact that we are all created with a deep desire to be connected to another human being.  The desire is so deep that even when it has been violated, the child will not and the adult may not end the relationship due to the fear of abandonment.  For me, this explains why I have had a hard time breaking away from my parents, even as an adult.  I realize I need to establish my own personal identity which needs to be based in Christ.

Setting boundaries was another point that hit home for me.  It seems that I have been working on this for about 3 years now with my parents and it all came together for me in one sentence: “One principle they (Henry Cloud and John Townsend in their book “Boundaries”) make clear is that a person setting boundaries needs community, because a new way of relating seems “mean”, “unloving”, and very risky.”  That is exactly how it has felt for me.

Understanding that it has been the fear of abandonment that I’ve been struggling with in order to set and keep healthy boundaries, I now have a renewed motivation and strength.  I’m willing to “feel the pain of abandonment, grieve the loss and look to God and safe people to relate to” (quote from “My Journey Continues” by Open Hearts Ministry).

The next lesson is on betrayal.  I’ve looked at the homework and feel this is going to be another layer that will take some time to explore.